You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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