WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
