Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
