She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
