tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
