Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
