matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
