If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
