I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
