totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
