Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
