Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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