My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
