the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
