He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
