with your own penis?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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