I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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