put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
