I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
