Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
