I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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