I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
