How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
