is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
