Who wears a wallet chain?!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
