Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
