this is something i pride myself on being below average for
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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