I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
