Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
