we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
this just has baby written all over it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
