eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
