how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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