id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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