I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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