If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
