with your own penis?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
