does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
