hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
