she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
