Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
