i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
