Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
