when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
