i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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