I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
