"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
