looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
