some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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