That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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