we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
