hotel room ftw
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
