so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
