well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
