FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
