Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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