True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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