I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
