you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
