she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
