my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
