Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
