I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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